When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again
I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my
mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I
raised the topic calmly.
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly,
why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the
chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn't
talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what
had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory
answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just
pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated
that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company.
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent
ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her
wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had
said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind
of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks
seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something
at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell
asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not
care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want
anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She
requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life
as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's
time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to
recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day.
She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going
crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd
request.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly and
thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face
the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was
explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both
appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his
arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the
sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my
arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the
divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove
alone to the office
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my
chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I
hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was
not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was
graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered
what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy
returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was
growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry
her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few
dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my
dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin,
that was the reason why I could
carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her
heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out.
To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential
part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged
him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my
mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the
bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my
neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our
wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her
in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held
her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.
I drove to office... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the
door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked
upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want
the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a
fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I
won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I
didn't value the details
of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I
realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am
supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed
the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the
floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The
salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll
carry
you out every morning until death do us apart.
The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship.
It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank,
blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and
do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real
happy marriage.
This should be a wake up call to everyone who is married in this group
especially to those who're feeling the "tremors" of married life...one
that has been reduced to monotony, boredom, petty squabbles, indifference
and perhaps even betrayal.
Don't let the "shake" get into you...avoid struggling against it, instead
"dance through the shake"...find ways to make the love come alive...and
give it a try for yet another time. Believe me it works. But of course,
there are two sides to everything even the heart, and either one is
crucial. Each must have the desire to make it work.
Only until then, can you safely say...I have found commitment sitting
comfortably side by side with love.. and the two of them embedded deeply
inside the heart…where God Himsef chooses to reside.
If you don't send this to anyone, nothing will happen to you.
But if you send it, you might save a marriage.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own
understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will keep your
paths straight."
